I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
