wat bout pragnant strippers??
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Randomize
