Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
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