This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
