I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
