They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
