haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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