First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
