I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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