he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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