My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
