Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize