Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I understand Curling. That high.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
