Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
