I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
