She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
