Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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