10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My ass is underappreciated
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
