i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
