What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
