Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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