I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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