Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
