Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
