Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
