i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
