my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Randomize
