I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize