if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
