you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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