Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
