What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
