my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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