Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
