i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
