so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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