I don't think brook has ever known best
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
