ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
