He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
