We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
