guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
