Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
