im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
