I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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