Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
