there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
