I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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