I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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