hotel room ftw
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
