dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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