Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
