making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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