just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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