my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Randomize
