We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
