Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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