I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize