I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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