I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
