Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
