why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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