He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
