Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
