Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
