I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
