How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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