i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
