I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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