After last night, I could never be a politician.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
