It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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