i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
