I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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