They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
