It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
