ya dads aren't the best wingmen
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
