My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize