If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Randomize
