she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
this is an emotional support booty call
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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