We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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