I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
