What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
my poor anus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
