There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
